


All Goes Black

by otapocalypse



Series: Sheith Angst Week 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 17:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15801336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otapocalypse/pseuds/otapocalypse
Summary: After waking Kuron from a nightmare, he and Keith have a heavy conversation





	All Goes Black

**Author's Note:**

> Mind those tags, folks

_Everything hurt. It was the kind of intense, unending pain that couldn’t be ignored, couldn’t be distracted away- it had started in his head, and had gradually spread its way through his body- down into his neck, which stiffened up painfully until it felt like he was made of stone. With each pulse of his heartbeat in his temple, the pain and stiffness spread, to his shoulders, his limbs, deadweight and achy. It had reached his back and stomach next, rendering him immobile, nauseated beyond belief, until his body shook with the pain and broke out in a cold sweat. He hadn’t been awake long enough to feel the pain spread to his legs._

_Kuron had watched himself do all these horrible things from far away; Haggar’s control had pushed him down deep, into the farthest recesses of his mind, and all was dark and agonizing, willing him to submit. He had fought anyway._

_He had fought, even when the fighting brought him closer to the surface, closer to Keith’s pain. Closer to the delight he could feel when bone snapped beneath his fingers, closer to the sound of flesh rending as he drew his sword over the man’s skin. It was a horror show. He was cutting his love apart, bleeding him dry as he pleaded for mercy, mercy Kuron wasn’t sure he could even give-_

It wasn’t the first time Keith had been roused by the sound of a hyperventilating breath, a shouting voice, coming from what used to be Shiro’s old room. After breaking whatever Haggar had done and learning this was a clone of their former Shiro, the team had become almost detached, confused around the man, unsure of how to conduct themselves now that it was revealed the man they’d thought they’d been bonding with was long dead, and replaced with a clone that had just previously tried to kill them all.

It’d been an adjustment.

But Keith had made a promise to a man who, in his heart, was not yet gone. He wasn’t quite sure yet how he felt about Kuron- it was a lot to process, after all- but Shiro was not gone for good, and Keith wasn’t about to mistreat any form of the man.

Even, apparently, his evil clone. 

Where the others grew awkward around Kuron and avoided him, Keith had made the effort, his heart aching though it was, in approaching Kuron, talking to him, learning, if he squinted, the man really was no different than Shiro- all his memories remained; he’d been the aspiring pilot that had shot for the stars, and taken Keith with him. He had suffered the fights with Adam, he’d flown to Kerberos, he’d been kidnapped by the Galra, fought, tortured, experimented on, he’d found his way back to Keith again and again. If Keith could only get past the pure, simple fact burning just at the back of his mind that despite it all, Kuron just wasn’t Shiro.

It was clear now, as he slipped into the man’s room, watching him toss and turn and gasp for air for a moment, unsure really of what to do for him besides waking him up- and then what? Keith had always had the words for Shiro. They didn’t come anymore.

Tense, ready for a fight, Keith drew close, and firmly placed his arm on Kuron’s shoulder, squeezing firmly.

“Kuron, it’s a nightmare.” He said sternly. It wasn’t enough.

The man, as predicted, sprung up, his remaining arm already coming, crashing down to deal Keith a heavy blow on his head, which he blocked, immediately grappling to pin the arm down, struggling with the pure, animal strength of the body writhing beneath him. 

“We can’t _let_ them!” Kuron suddenly shouted, and Keith held him immobile, his teeth grit as he realized Kuron wasn’t asleep- he didn’t need to wake up, he needed broken out of whatever horrors he was seeing. “Not Shiro-!”

“Kuron, don’t you remember!?” Keith nearly shouted, breathless from trying to keep the clone from hitting him. “You’re the Shiro who survived!”

All at once, the struggles ceased, and Keith slowly let go, as Kuron panted breathlessly beneath him, his skin waxy and pale, his limbs trembling.

“K...Keith..?”

“I’m here.” Keith said immediately, his hand coming to rest on Kuron’s shoulder. The man instantly stilled, dragging himself to a sitting position and finally turning to look at Keith, his eyes wide with guilt and shock, still harboring some remainder of fear. 

“I could have hurt you. I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” Keith said flatly, then forced himself to give a little more warmth as he squeezed at Kuron’s shoulder again, gentle. “We’ve been over this, it isn’t your fault.” Kuron didn’t seem convinced and, feeling guilty for his earlier tone, Keith sat on the bed next to him, their shoulders touching.

Kuron couldn’t help it; he instantly brightened, his mood soaring as he shared in Keith’s warmth. Keith really had been the light in all of this darkness. So forgiving, so understanding- no, more than that. He’d done, he’d endured, so much for Kuron, someone he should hate. He knew how much Keith had loved Shiro- he knew he could be facing anger and rejection here instead, but Keith had remained unwaveringly devoted, and for that, Kuron was ever grateful. His thoughts came bubbling out before he could stop himself.

“Keith, I…” The Black Paladin turned those gorgeous, stormy eyes on him, and Kuron stuttered for a moment, before continuing on, “I’m glad you’re here. And I’m glad I’m here. I… I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through all of this without you by my side. Your presence is calming. Healing. I- I just wanted to say, I love you too.” There it was. It was out. Kuron waited for his terror to be soothed, for those eyes to light up with a smile again, and everything would have been worth it. Instead, Keith stared back at him in horror.

Because no matter how he looked at this picture, no matter which way he turned the canvas, he couldn’t paint Kuron as Shiro. Not just that it wasn’t fair to either of them- he wasn’t Shiro, and he was never going to be Shiro- Shiro hadn’t survived. No, Keith was stuck with this clone, this copy, meant to replace him, but it wasn’t going to work. It was only going to drive him mad with grief. Keith could already feel himself on the brink of insanity.

He shot to his feet immediately, stumbling until his back hit the wall, and staring back at Kuron, whose face had gone from cautiously hopeful to wide and anguished. Keith knew he should stop himself, could feel the tension building, and he was sure his companion could feel it as well. Kuron still dared to ask the question.

“Keith… What’s wrong?”

“You’re… You’re not him,” Keith whispered, already feeling guilt carve away pieces of his heart as he spoke, as Kuron’s eyes filled to the brim with pain- but this needed to be said. “You can’t be what I need, Kuron.”

The words are horrible, even to his own ears, and Keith has to shut his eyes against the sudden pain of the world, pain he’d caused- he didn’t want to see the hurt he caused the other. Soft, warm hands suddenly clutching his own made him startle, his eyes opening to meet the same gentle smile he’d become so used to, and for a moment, Keith could almost imagine Shiro was back.

“Hey, hey now…” Kuron was whispering, lightly squeezing his hands and tilting his head. Gods, they really were alike. “It’s alright, Keith. It’s okay. I understand. There’s nothing you have to worry about,” He murmured, with such sincerity Keith felt the heavy weight lifting from his chest, and he could breathe again. The guilt didn’t leave- he suspected it wouldn’t, for a while- but it was bearable again, and he squeezed back.

“Thank you… Try and get some rest, okay?” Keith said, reaching up to caress Kuron’s face, before he thought better of it and drew back, forcing a weak smile. “You know where to find me if you need me.” Kuron nodded, releasing him, and Keith turned to go, throwing one final, warm smile over his shoulder as he paused in the doorway. It seemed their relationship wasn’t doomed to be a mockery of what had been. That, at the very least, made Keith glow with happiness as he stumbled tiredly back down the hall to his own room, yawning as he sank back under the warm covers, and drifting off again.

Kuron had watched him go, a quiet, accepting smile on his face. It didn’t fade once the door to his room- no, Shiro’s room- slid shut again, didn’t fade even as he waited to hear the similar hiss further away as Keith returned to his own space. Still, Kuron waited, until well past the time Keith would have fallen asleep again, and slowly rose to his feet. 

He didn’t look back as he left the room, taking care to keep quiet as he padded down the hallways- maybe Shiro would have looked back, gazed upon the castle walls, ducked into the rooms and relived the fond memories they had of hanging out with the other Paladins- but he wasn’t Shiro, and he doubted Shiro would even be taking this long walk, late at night. He was stronger than that.

Kuron found himself in the Black Lion’s hangar, standing at the feet of the great cat and looking up. Keith was the team’s rightful leader now; those had been Shiro’s wishes. How could he, a clone of what once existed so bold and beautiful, go against the man’s desires? It was no surprise to him he wouldn’t be piloting the Black Lion, and Kuron held no resentment. He couldn’t, in a world where he was unwanted, blame the ship for not accepting him as its Paladin. And yet, as he gazed into the cat’s eyes, he could almost see- almost feel- a sort of pleading energy, as if she were begging him not to do this.

Probably his imagination, Kuron reasoned. Anyway, it didn’t matter now.

For as much support Keith had given him, as many times as they had shared a meal or a laugh together, flown together, reached out to one another, as many times as he’d felt that touch, experienced that burst of heat that made him want to go on, for just a little longer- Kuron had felt that flame gradually dying. Tonight, it had gone out. He was unwanted. A burden, not just to the team, but specifically to Keith. He could no longer pilot Black, and he had made Keith uncomfortable with his mere existence- to think he had believed for a moment that Keith would ever look at him the same way.

_Stupid._

Sure, the other would miss him, but he would move on. He would go back to his true love, the real Shiro, he would be driven to rescue him from beyond the grave. Wasn’t that what they each deserved? Kuron didn’t bother pulling on a suit or helmet as he neared the door to the hangar. Instead, he closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer to whatever gods may be listening for Keith’s safety and happiness. Then, he reached out, and with a hiss, pressed the release to the hangar door.

-  
Keith awoke the next morning feeling well-rested, for the first time in ages. He hadn’t dreamt of the fight, or of Shiro, or of any of the horrors or bittersweet memories he’d formed out in space. His sleep had been blissfully empty, dark and warm, and feeling immensely comfortable, he allowed himself a moment to snuggle back down into the sheets, resting his eyes. Then, the memory of his conversation with Kuron the night before resurfaced, and he smiled to himself. It had been a breakthrough. He should greet the other, make sure he was okay, tell him good morning, at the very least. Maybe they could work this out.

Yawning, running a hand through his messy locks, Keith padded to Kuron’s room, knocking lightly. He raised his eyebrows when there was no reply, but figured the other was still asleep- he had been woken up, after all. The door was never locked, and Keith reached out to place his hand on the panel beside it, waiting as the door slid open, and then glancing around the room in confusion, finding it empty.

“Kuron?”


End file.
